ADVICE

Here are some of the responses I've gotten while talking to friends about advice:

1) If you have fasted and prayed about it and you still question your decision, remember you can find happiness, joy and success with almost anyone if you both have the same standards, ideals and hopes and if you put forth the effort. 
2) My mother had five aunts who never married. They dated lots of wonderful men but weren't positive they were the perfect match so they continued looking until it was ultimately too late. So, don't make that mistake. 

- Bonnie B.

My dad always says you can't make eternal decisions with your head, you need to involve your heart and, most especially, the Spirit. But, when you have done that and there still is no answer, then is when it becomes a matter of choice. We don't always get a clear answer but just remember God gave you agency for you to use it, so choose your love and then love your choice!

We are sent here to learn and grow to become like God. Well, how do we do that? We make choices! God gave us the divine gift of agency in hopes that we would learn how to use it in a righteous way and become like him! Once we make a choice we must stand by it. I have found in many ways that marriage is a lot like an LDS mission: there are so many days that are so beautiful and perfect like a fairy tale, but there also come those days when you just want to cry for whatever reason (usually hormones, haha), but we keep going. 

Remember, for any temporary and especially eternal decisions follow Moroni 7. Study it out in your mind and in your heart, pray and ponder diligently seeking the Lord's guidance, and then go and do. Choose your love and then love your choice!

- Christina R.

The best advice I have is to find someone who loves the Lord, and secondly, someone who loves and respects you. I think all spouses in marriages are not perfect, but if you are working toward the same goal you guys can create perfection together. Build your foundation on the Lord, and no matter what happens, you cannot fail.

- Mica M.

I Choose You!

My latest favorite song about CHOOSING who you love, and getting over dangerous perfectionist tendencies...

Please comment if this song resonates with you, too. :) Or share other "lovely" songs that help put things into perspective.

Choosing a Marriage Partner

Dr. Brent Barlow teaches Marriage Preparation classes at BYU. His advice is pretty down-to-earth and appeals to my logical side. 

My daughter asked me, "Dad, how do I choose who to marry?" 

Ah, I thought, a teaching moment!

"Find a man with a job." 

She stared at me. "Is that all you've got, Dr. Barlow? Come on!"

Oops. "Okay...find a man with a job who loves the Lord."

Choosing a Marriage Partner, BYU Education Week

(Fun fact: This talk was given on August 21, 2006. That was my 18th birthday!)

Do you have other speeches, articles, TED talks, story books, poems, etc. that have inspired you, comforted you, or given you a reality check? Please comment and share them. Thank you!

<3

I'll roll with you

Do you love Shel Silverstein as much as I do? This story book opened my eyes to some of the problems we have with expectations in relationships. My wise sister Katie recommended this book to me years ago and I share it with everyone that I can find. 

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O (video)

Happily Ever After...?

This adorable children's book puts the Cinderella story into perspective. Real life is better than what a fairy godmother could bring!

Fanny's Dream by Caralyn and Mark Buehner (video)

Wise Words about the "What If"

I have an older sister who is married, and we have a dear friend who is LIKE an older sister who just got married last year. I was agonizing over my doubts and trying to get some answers from my sister Katie. Now, this sister met her now-husband in August, got engaged in September, and was married in November. She knew immediately what she wanted and moved forward without hesitation. I am so PROUD and also so JEALOUS of her for being able to do that, because MY BRAIN/HEART DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. We are just wired differently, you know? So Katie suggested that I call this pseudo-sister Mindy and get her input, because she is "wired" similarly to me. (She and I both served an LDS mission, she and I both take a long time to fall in love, she and I both have lots of goals and dreams and plans about traveling and motherhood and careers, etc.)

I called Mindy and left her a halting voicemail, just saying that I was in a tight spot and needed some sisterly advice. To my surprise, Mindy called back within five minutes. I explained my situation. I am dating this boy, but there are a few other guys I COULD be dating, but they are/have different personalities/majors/
nationalities/love-languages/hobbies/talents/heights/weights/jobs etc. etc. etc. and I have NO IDEA what is the best option. What if I would be happier with someone else? What if I would have more financial stability with someone else? What if someone else will make a better husband/lover/father/professional/adventurer? What if I make the wrong choice now and regret it later? What if he's making the wrong choice and I won't make him happy at all? What if, what if, what if?

Mindy listened and I could hear her smile over the phone. She said that she usually doesn't have much eloquence in her words, but years ago when a friend was freaking out about her wedding date, Mindy felt this advice slip into her mind very clearly: Don't let the fear of "what if" destroy the happiness of "what is."

What I have with my sweetheart right now is wonderful. What we have right now is exciting, inspiring, surprising, fun, comfortable, stable, and safe.

Don't let the fear of "what if" destroy the happiness of "what is."

Last year, when Mindy was stressing about her own wedding date, that friend called her and repeated the same advice back to her.

Mindy has now passed it on to me, and I pass it on to you. Maybe you are "wired" like I am and needed to hear this, too.

We are not of them who draw back

I know everyone has their own way of making decisions. Personally, I am always frantically looking for divine approval of what I'm about to do. Prayer, fasting, hours of journal writing and serious meditation are all part of the process. I ask for help, find some spiritual guidance, commit to act on those answers, and then I stress out endlessly. Really, that is my downfall: questioning the answers I've received. Here is a talk that has helped me out a lot with trusting the Lord and trusting my feelings. Please listen/read. Hopefully you can get something out of it, too. 

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence by Jeffrey R. Holland (Video)
Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence  (Text)